Yup, they be some good jokes son!

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar... and see a little boy. Priest says to the Rabbi... "Man, I'd really like to f*k that kid!"... Rabbi says, "Out of what?"

When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

How do you know when your battery needs to be charged?

When you are out of cash!

hat's Beethoven's favourite fruit? ...BA-NA-NA-NAAAAA

A duck walks into a costume shop. "Give me a fake beard" he says, "and put it on my bill."

You: What's the difference between a preschool and a brothel?

Them: I don't know.

You: You sick bastard!

Why did the chicken kill itself? To get to the other side.

I used to have a joke about a suicide cult.

But the punchline was too long.

An old lady was checking into a hotel. She noticed a sign about the TV in her room having adult channels, so she says to the clerk at the front, "The pornography on my TV had better be disabled."

He replied, "What!? No! It's regular porn, don't be so sick!!"

Yesterday I went to see the urologist. He told that I had to stop masturbating. So I asked him 'why?'. He said 'because I have to examine you'.

I feel sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotised 7 guys, then tripped over the microphone lead, and yelled "fuck me!"... What happened next will haunt me forever!

Governor Schwarzenegger is working in his office when his secretary comes in looking upset.

She says "Sir, i have some bad news for you. Nobody got you any easter eggs this year.

The governator looks sad.

"Are you okay sir? I hope this hasn't stopped it being your most treasured holiday season."

Governator: "No, i-still-love-easter, baby"

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods when they decide to stop for a drink at a small pond. As they lean down to drink, up pops a golden frog. The frog explains that he is in fact a magical wish-granting frog who offers six wishes to those who find his magic pond. However, since the bear and the rabbit showed up at the same time, they each get three.

Bear is excited and demands to get the first wish, he immediately wishes for every other bear in the forest to be female, and it happens. Rabbit is next, he wishes for a motorcycle helmet and immediately puts it on when it appears.

Bear is next, and is laughing his ass off at how rabbit seemingly wasted his first wish. Bear then wishes for all the bears in all of the surrounding forests to be female as well. Rabbit wishes for the biggest, meanest, and fastest motorcycle there is. It appears and he hops on, starts it up and takes it off the kickstand, impatiently revving the engine.

By this point, Bear is rolling on the ground laughing uncontrollably at how stupid Rabbit is, and can barely hold himself together to make his final wish. Bear decides he is definitely NOT going to waste his last wish on something stupid, so he goes for the gusto and wishes for every other bear in the entire world to be female, and it is done.

Bear, now satisfied, stares smugly at Rabbit, waiting to see how he will blow his final wish.

Rabbit thinks for a second, then screams "I WISH BEAR WAS GAY!" as he disappears in a cloud of dust before Bear can even react.

Q:What did the pedophile say to the other?
A:Trade you a 10 for 2 5s

What is the Mario Brothers' favorite style of pants?

DENIM-DENIM-DENIM
(sung to the tune of world 1-2)

Do you want to hear my impression of an extractor fan?

I used to really like tractors.

"Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm going deaf!"
"Well what are the symptoms?"
"They're a yellow cartoon family."

how do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony... its not hard.

What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?



positioning the wheelchair.

If Stephen Hawking won a medal for his mind, what did he win for his muscles?

atrophy

A man goes in for a job interview and, towards the end, the interviewer asks him what he feels is his greatest weakness.

"Well, to be honest, at times I have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality."

The interviewer furrows his brow and says, "Well, what is your greatest strength?"

The man growls, "I'm Batman."

Whats the difference between a kangaroo and a kangarooot? A Kangaroo is a thing that bounces around australia and a kangaroot is what a geordie stuck in a lift says

A recent survey has found that 95% of men dont know how to turn the dishwasher on.
I find that licking her nipples and a light fingering usually does the trick.

A man is in a hotel lobby. As he runs to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman and as he does, his elbow hits her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 243."

What does kfc and a fat chick have in common?

After you are done with the leg and the thigh you have a greasy box to throw your bone into!

It's been reported that a new craze in Britain has started where men drink vodka from their girlfriends fannys using a straw.

The government fears a rise in minge drinking!

Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.

Did you hear the one about the Irish Funeral Directors? They were carrying a coffin around the town of Bally O'Murphy for 3 days! They had reportedly “Lost the plot”.